The Future of Work: the Art of Collaborative Leadership

The way we work is shifting. We see that in subtle ways and other times in not so subtle ways.  Even traditional companies like Deloitte are investing in people development, realizing that it is the best resource they have to stay ahead of the curve. Those with a real competitive advantage intuitively understand innovation and creativity as essential to meeting market demands and crucial in facing our collective sustainability challenges.  The future of work as we know it is shifting from an outdated directive approach toward collaborative frameworks that inspire us to engage in new and different ways with our work and with each other.

This elusive concept has always intrigued and intimidated me, so I began to question my own assumptions I held about collaboration.  One of my current projects has given me an opportunity to explore and experience my own leadership in a collaborative environment.  For the last six months, I have been co-designing and co-hosting the Women & Power Leadership Forum, using collaborative processes based on Art of Hosting principles. Together with Kathy Jourdain (an experienced steward in the work of Art of Hosting), whom I thank from the bottom of my heart for embodying collaborative leadership so beautifully and supporting my discovery of this, as well as a wonderful hosting team, this experience has provided rich learning for all of us in exploring what it means to be collaborative and uncovering the traits required to cultivate it.

Decision by Consensus?

One of the big beliefs I made up about collaborative work was that one most come to decisions by consensus; if there were any outliers, you could not forge ahead. This seemed an exhaustive and almost impossible task when you think about how hard it is to get a group of people to agree on anything. Just look at what happened with the Occupy Movement  - decision by consensus just doesn't work especially when you're talking about scalability. To my relief, I discovered making the final decision wasn't as crucial as was the process in making the decision.  Team members must have a chance to voice their opinion through open and honest dialogue, and everyone must have an opportunity to explore the issue together. This process is integral to collaborative decision making (even though that term seems like an oxymoron!). Once you've gone through this exercise, themes and patterns emerge, and through collective sensing, a solution or decision emerges. Not surprisingly, the solution or idea is often better than what one person could have come up with just by themselves.

Leaning In vs. Leaning Out

Another assumption I held was that a strong vision was enough to inspire collaboration. Turns out, it's not enough. As leaders, we assume that leading means doing it all.  For many of us, fear of failing and embarrassment have us hanging on to control. We take on more than we should, we step on toes, and we micro-manage without meaning to.  Not surprisingly, the signal this sends is that "she's got it covered." Women tend to do this to a fault - we take on more than we can chew because we are good multi-taskers and want to prove our value, so we take it all on and in doing so, prevent others from stepping in. This is where the now proverbial "leaning in" approach is NOT effective. By "leaning out" as leaders, we give our people a chance to lean in. This creates an opportunity for them to take responsibility for the tasks at hand, to step in and contribute more fully and engages them in a way where their best ideas and input are brought forth. For perfectionists and control freaks like me, this can be one of the biggest challenges to overcome. Learning to let go and trust others is crucial to create the space for brilliance to shine.  Finding the balance is where this practice becomes an art form.

Vulnerability as Strength

The single most significant piece of learning for me has been around understanding how vulnerability is the key to success in any collaborative process. We've got it all wrong in our work ethos. We believe vulnerability is a weakness. We are afraid to admit we don't have the answer for fear of being seen as incompetent. Our need to prove our worth and value and the fear of shame all leads to creating separation.  What I have found over and over again in my  leadership journey is that when I am wiling to be vulnerable, share my true feelings no matter how embarrassing or weak I may be perceived, when I am able to truly listen to feedback and be willing to receive it without taking it personally, these acts are powerful beyond measure. This is a secret superpower that everyone possesses, but not everyone has the courage to enact.  It takes a willingness to fail and learn from your mistakes, to risk the shame that comes along with it.   But the rewards are bountiful. It's the quickest route to creating trust in any relationship or group process. It creates an environment where others feel able to open up and share their feelings, stimulating input, ideas, and solutions.  It allows us to be human, and realize that we are all in this together. It opens up our hearts and reminds us that it's not about the bottom line, or even the next big idea. It's about being in relationship; the learning and experiences that show us who we truly are.

Gratitude

I would not have had the chance to be in this learning process if it weren't for some pretty spectacular women.  I'm humbled by the experience of working in collaboration with women who have volunteered their time and energy for an idea I am deeply passionate about.  As challenging as it is at times for me, they always hold me up to my highest potential, give me honest feedback, defend me and believe in me.  Sometimes the best learning comes when others are courageous enough to voice their truth. I'm grateful for the opportunity to work with women who have the capacity to do that in a supportive way.  Learning to give credit and acknowledging your partners and team mates goes without saying, yet how many times do we just breeze over that?  Being humble, setting your ego aside, and letting go of the need to shine are unique aspects of collaborative leadership which are hard to learn, and hard to teach. For many of us, this is counter-intuitive to the competitive nature of business. But it's an integral part of how we operate as human beings and it's the key to collective success.

The Outcome

The proof is in the pudding they say. You might be wondering how this collaborative process worked out in the end.  We're still in the middle of it, yet what I can report is that we are successfully co-creating a first-time event which is almost nearly sold out (we still have a month to go), there is a buzz about it in Silicon Valley and support from far and wide.  As hosts, we will continue to practice these processes on the day of our event, as we co-host a day of deep dialogue for the multi-generational women leaders who will participate that day. We aren't attached to any outcomes. What we do know, however, is that our attendees will walk away having experienced collaborative process and leadership. And that alone will be a work of art.

Why Femininity is the New Operating System of the 21st century

Read this article on The Huffington Post

The topic of women’s advancement in leadership is getting a lot of attention these days, thanks to Sheryl Sandberg courageously opening up the conversation and asking women to lean in, and Adrianna Huffington referring to this time as the coming of a second women’s movement, among others.  More and more people are sending a clear message – there is a real need for women’s leadership and feminine values in our organizations and in the world.

I recently ran across a Tedx talk by John Gerzema who believes that “femininity will be the operating system of the 21^st century.” Yes, you read that correctly. He is a man who thinks the feminine values are the way forward, and talks about the Athena Doctrine in his new book. He surveyed 32,000 people on masculine and feminine traits as it relates to happiness, leadership, morality and success.

 What he found might be surprising for most. Through his research, he discovered the essence of a modern leader is feminine; a more expressive type of leader who shares their feelings and emotions more openly and honestly. Obviously, this is in direct contrast to what we find in traditional power systems. Those surveyed also preferred a leader who was capable of long-term planning for the future rather than thinking politically, aiming for short term gains. They valued leaders who were patient and reasonable, who could build consensus and get things done. Resilience and decisiveness were important, but so were being patient, passionate, loyal and selfless. He calls this Athena style leadership after the Greek mythological goddess.

Although slightly surprised that it took a man to come out of the closet on this, I’m glad he did. I strongly believe that if we are to tackle the big world problems of the 21^st century, more women and men need to embody feminine values and principles. The hierarchical, top-down command and control approach just isn’t working anymore. Everywhere you look, systems are crumbling. Economies, financial systems, social systems are all breaking down. The world is aching for new, more balanced structures and values.

One of the most prominent thinkers and authors of our time, Charles Eisenstein, describes this as:

“The present convergence of crises––in money, energy, education, health, water, soil, climate, politics, the environment, and more––is a birth crisis, expelling us from the old world into a new.”

Whether we’re conscious of it or not, all of us are collectively engaged in birthing a new story of the people. Most of humanity knows deep down that a more connected, interdependent and collaborative society is possible, and really the only way forward toward a more sustainable future. The first step is to admit that our current systems are broken and need to be replaced. The second step is to begin visioning a more beautiful world we all know is possible.

Let’s explore what the new world could look like if we redesigned new structures based on the feminine.  We might see flatter organizations and less hierarchy, making it easier for collaboration and innovation to flourish. We might have more of a sense of community, going back to the concept of “ the village” where we trust our neighbors for childcare, as an example. Our collective value set would let us view success as how happy, healthy and creative we all are instead of the net worth of our 401K.  And we wouldn’t be worried just about ourselves, but realize that we are all somehow connected and need to take care of each other, as human citizens of the world.

Obviously, we would live in a much different world if it were based on a feminine outlook.

It’s time that we have this broader conversation about the world and society we live in.  It’s not just women who suffer, we all do. This impacts every single person living on this planet. The values that have helped us advance from the industrial age to the technological age are outdated. We need to begin seriously looking at our major institutions, challenging them to embody more balance. In order for this to occur, men have to begin thinking more like women, and women must re-learn how to express their natural, feminine qualities after decades of acting like “men stuck in a woman’s body,” trying to compete and succeed in a man’s world.

The values or qualities that can be characterized as more “feminine” – collaboration, connectedness, interdependence, sharing, inclusiveness – these are the values we need to build back into our leadership, our institutions and our society. Women mustn’t continue trying to conform and fit-in to the mold, instead they must be examples of this change by embodying their own intrinsic, natural capacities more boldly. Collectively, we must shift our values to include sharing of resources with each other, protecting the planet, and creating communities of sacred economies where our gifts have meaning and value. We must embody that change within ourselves and have the courage to go against the grain. Your future, our future, depends on it.

Truly Leaning In

Read this article on The Huffington Post

Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, Lean-In is a welcome conversation starter to a topic that has stayed dormant for far too long in the context of women’s advancement in the workplace and in the world. For a few decades now, women (at least in the western world) have been enjoying the freedom and independence of the “shattered glass ceiling.”  We are now more educated than ever and have just as much economic buying power as men. On paper, the feminist movement has achieved most of what it set out to accomplish for women – equal rights, equal pay (well, almost), and reproductive rights and freedoms.

Blame it on getting too comfortable, or to a generation removed from the battles won by the feminist movement of the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s, or on sheer complacency, but for far too long women have been accepting the status quo, which in reality is far from perfect. Thanks to Sandberg, we are reminded that our work isn’t over. We as women still have challenges. By naming and defining a few of what those are, especially for women who want to have it all, Sandberg has opened up the conversation up for debate, and that can only be a move in the right direction when it comes to women’s issues.

As you’ve heard by now, Sandberg’s idea of “leaning-in” consists of a push strategy – one that has us thinking like a man about our career. She coaches us towards giving more to our careers, staying longer in them and persevering through the guilt, shame, and sheer exhaustion women experience when juggling family and career. Her mantras are “equal partnership”, and “don’t leave before you leave.” But are these real solutions to the real challenges for 99% of women who aren’t wired like Sandberg?

For decades since breaking the glass ceiling, women have pressured themselves to “be more like the boys” to compete in a man’s world. This strategy worked up to a certain point, helping us gain respect and prove that we were as competent, capable and intelligent as men in business. We decided to leave family out of the equation, not demanding that our work schedules or work environments adapt to our needs as mothers, caretakers, wives and so on.  We bullied on, left our emotions at home, and were thankful for small pittance, like 6 weeks of maternity leave or flexible working hours.  Somehow, we felt like we would be seen as “less than” a man if we asked for more or spoke up about what a woman really needs in juggling work and home life.

The silence continues to this day. Sandberg has missed a huge opportunity by shifting blame on women and demanding they step up and play like the big boys.  Here’s a thought: instead of trying the same old strategies of acting like men, how about we try something radically different and start acting like women?

Leaning-in for me means something completely different than Sandberg’s definition. I define it as a true lean-in – one that requires you to be both vulnerable and trust others. Imagine two people leaning into each other, facing each other with their arms stretched out, hands touching. It’s only a true lean in when both sides are giving of themselves and are willing to let the other support them.  For far too long, women have been conditioned to lean only on themselves and trust themselves – showing up as strong, independent and able to take care of themselves. Is that realistic, especially when we play so many roles and take on so much responsibility? Is the only solution demanding men split responsibilities at home and be equal partners?

I say it isn’t. Its not sustainable and we know it. Women are more burned out, stressed out and sick because of it. And we’re unhappy. If social equality and more freedom and independence were supposed to make us so happy, why aren’t we? What is preventing us from fully realizing ourselves?

 In my opinion, it’s mainly because of the way we’ve approached our predicament. We’ve gone about it the wrong way. Instead of embracing our natural capacities as women, we’ve shunned them. Rather than leaning into our vulnerability and using it as strength, we’ve become self-reliant and self-protecting. We’ve pushed ahead, mostly alone, instead of allowing our lives, especially our careers to unfold naturally and asking for help along the way. And most saddening of all, as women, we’ve been our own worst critics and have worked against each other for far too long. The result is that we feel unsupported, especially by each other. With few women role models who exemplify a true feminine, yet powerful style of leadership, we have taken on the characteristics of men.  Without supportive networks of women, we spend too much time competing. By compromising who we are, we’ve compromised our place in the world, and it’s working against us. The good news: it’s not too late. And Sheryl’s idea of leaning in, albeit slightly redefined version could actually help us get back on track.

The answers are staring us in the face. And they’re not hard.

Let’s begin leaning into each other as women, practicing kindness and compassion with one another. Let’s be kinder to ourselves and not put so much pressure on ourselves to have it all, right this instant. Let’s redefine success so that it encompasses all of who we are, and makes room for all of our hearts desires – career, family, fulfilling relationships, health, happiness. Let’s invite men to help us, allowing them to play their proper role in the equation. Most importantly, let’s lean in to ourselves – by breaking down our inner glass ceiling and stepping fully into our feminine, leaning into our vulnerability, trusting our intuition and opening our hearts. This is the real definition of leaning-in and I propose that we join this movement. And I invite Sheryl to be the first one to join the ranks.

What I Learned at Wisdom 2.0

After receiving several requests from friends to share what I learned from attending the Wisdom 2.0 conference in San Francisco, I decided to do just that. Here are a few reflections and pieces of wisdom from my recent experience.

I think it’s first worth mentioning that Wisdom 2.0 was started four years ago by Soren Gordhamer, who wanted to explore his curiosity about the intersection of the digital world and spiritual world. He was feeling “disconnected” in an increasingly connected digital age and began asking questions that stemmed from that growing tension. Can we really stay centered and mindful with so much innovation, fast pace and change in our technologically advanced world?  And if so, how could we possibly put down our iPhones long enough to achieve that?

Wisdom 2.0 began with a small group gathering four years ago to explore that very question. Fast forward to 2013, the conference attracted 1600 attendees as well as high-profile speakers like Bill Ford, CEO of Ford Company, Jeff Weiner, CEO of Linked-in, and Evan Williams, Co-Founder of Twitter, along with spiritual leaders Marianne Williamson, Jon-Kabat-Zinn, and media mogul, Arianna Huffington among others. Turns out Soren isn't the only one interested in the convergence of mindfulness and technology, at least not anymore. All of them had pieces of insight to offer that were both inspiring and hopeful about the future and how mindfulness can enhance both our technology and our lives as human beings.

One of the most powerful presentations I attended was not from a heavy hitter at all. It was by Rollin McCrathy, Psychophysiologist, Researcher and Vice-President at the Institute of HeartMath. If you happened to watch the documentary I AM, you might remember him featured in that film (he was the guy with the cool 80’s gold-rimmed glasses).  He was speaking about global consciousness, heart coherence (sustained positive emotion) and the earth’s magnetic field. It turns out that the magnetic field of earth is constantly affected by our solar system, especially the sun, and these vibrational frequencies affect everything on Earth, including human beings. Do you sometimes feel overly confused, frustrated, or emotional? It probably has something to do with the earth’s field.  So what if the reverse were also true - strong collective human emotions can affect the earth’s field?  That is what Rollin and his team are working on with The Global Coherence Initiative, developing advanced sensing technology to observe changes in the earth’s magnetic field to test the hypothesis that the earth’s field is affected by mass human emotion, positive or negative. The idea is that if enough people maintain heart coherence, this could build a reservoir of positive energy to benefit the planet by helping bring balance and stabilization to people, thereby making it easier to find solutions to problems like climate change, the destruction of the rain forests, poverty, war, hunger and other global issues. Pretty cool stuff, and for those of us who are more app focused, you can begin playing with your own heart coherence by downloading the GPS for the Soul app, featured at the conference, developed in conjunction with Huff Post.

The second most interesting theme at Wisdom was the topic of empathy and compassion and how it positively affects our health and the way we relate to each other, most significantly in the context of the workplace. Anthony Jack, Professor at Case Western gave a presentation called Cultivating Empathetic Design in an Analytical World. What they’ve found through cognitive neuroscience is that when we are using our analytical brain, we essentially “turn off” the emotive brain. People tend to be better at using one part of the brain or the other, and not surprisingly it turns out that women are better at empathy, and men at analytics. However, we can train our brains to become more proficient on either side, although it comes with a cost of losing your proficiency in the other area. Yoga and meditation have been shown to increase performance in empathy so there’s still hope for those engineers out there. Put this in the context of user experience and design, and it becomes imperative to think empathically to be able to understand your end user, but more importantly, as Jack states, it’s essential to preserving our humanity, particularly our kindness. I couldn’t agree more.

 As an executive coach, most of the work I do centers around developing the skill of empathy for high-level executives to better lead and manage their teams.  It might seem obvious, but it’s surprising how many people haven’t fully developed empathic skills, like listening. The good news is there is a lot of opportunity for us as organizational coaches and practitioners who work in the field of leadership development to work with our clients, and now we have the science and data to back it up. For those of us who geek out on this stuff, its pretty exciting and encouraging that what was previously dubbed “touchy, feely” is now backed by facts and science, and will be easier to embrace by more “right-brained” types like engineers and scientists who need to see proof in the pudding.

The personal highlight for me was hosting a table discussion in the Open Space Technology area for those attendees wanting to have deeper conversations on topics they were passionate about. This gave a sense of an “unconference,” which was a nice break to all the presentations and speakers taking place on the main stage. The topic I hosted was entitled “Women & Wisdom: Fully Stepping into our Leadership” with a surprisingly large turnout of about 25 women at our small table, wanting to participate and engage in dialogue about women, leadership and power.  With 20 other discussions happening all at the same time, I was humbled and pleasantly surprised that this was such an appealing topic for so many. The topic of women was highlighted and addressed a number of times throughout the conference, including a new event to be launched by Wisdom 2.0 especially for women. Other prominent women speakers, like Padamsaree Warrior, CTO at Cisco, Arianna Huffington and Marianne Williamson graced the stage, reminding us what is possible when women embrace their femininity and power at the same time.

I was especially inspired and called into action by Arianna Huffington who spoke about her personal journey, how she embraces her spirituality and balances it with her professional life.  Her grace, beauty, charm, wit and brilliance shone through. I was overjoyed to hear her say “It is up to women to redefine success.” Finally a powerful yet feminine woman stating that we need to redefine success – both for women and  society at large.  It echoed what was discussed during my hosted conversation, namely, the importance of women separating their identity from their achievements and career successes, and looking at what else might be of value like family, meaningful work, flexible work life, and so on.  In fact, the emergence of feminine values and qualities in our lives was the recurring theme throughout all of the four days – those of empathy, compassion, mindfulness, inclusion, and inter-connectedness. 

And yet it wasn’t until the final day when Marianne Williamson decided to introduce an entirely divergent conversation into the mix, lighting a fire under everyone attending. She gave a call to arms for all of us who live and work in one of the most influential and powerful places on earth, Silicon Valley. She called us forth to take a stand for the many global challenges facing our human species.  She challenged the big boys - Google, Facebook, Twitter, and Apple - to come together and pledge to eradicate global hunger in 10 years.  The standing ovation she received affirmed what we were all thinking and feeling.  After all, she said, it’s all well and good that you have meditation and yoga in your organizations, but if we don’t face these global problems together right this minute, none of that mindfulness stuff is going to matter much.  With her fierce passion and conviction, she singlehandedly shifted the conversation about what it really means to be mindful, and how it can compel us as individuals to take a stand and lead the change we want to see in the world. My absolute favorite moment of the entire thing was when she urged women to stop talking about empowerment and to start using their power.  We are the ones who are going to lead that change after all, aren't we? Can someone please say, AMEN sister!?

On top of all this intellectual, emotional and spiritual shaking up, the most memorable and impactful for me was the convergence of so many like-minded, conscious and openhearted individuals in one place.  Arianna called it the Happiest Place on Earth, mainly because everyone seemed, well, happy.  They even screened a movie called Happy. With a yoga room, meditation area, and multiple chill-out lounges, the conference offered something for everyone, but most importantly it offered an opportunity to disconnect from our technology, and connect back to each other in a deep and meaningful way.  And nothing can be more valuable than that.

To watch videos of all of the main stage speakers and presenters from Wisdom 2.0, click here: http://wisdom2conference.com/Live-Stream

A New Year, A New Me

It's been an exceptionally long time since I've written a blog entry, so for those of you who are scrolling down my past posts and noticing the dates thinking "she's been slacking," you are pretty accurate! I have been slacking in writing, which ironically is something that I really enjoy and have been told I'm quiet good at. There have been reasons for my silence, mainly a few major life transitions over the last year and a half, and a pretty big surprise in the relationship department (a positive one!) which has left me little or no time for writing or developing my blog.  But it's one of my new goals for this year and so I'm not wasting any time to get to it. It's a new year, and time for a new me.

Of course as I plunge back into expressing myself through writing, I'm taking a serious look at the direction I want to take with my blog.  I'm noticing myself at odds about the style, tone and content it "should" embody to be "marketable." I want to appeal to my target which is emerging women leaders, without coming off too corporatey and still keeping my authentic voice.  After letting the part of my self that is a slight perfectionist who worries what other people think have it out with the side of me that knows that I'm neither a total corporate type, nor a total hippie, but somewhere in the middle, and that I dig spirituality, personal development, and yes even New Agey concepts, I realize that its OK to be me. And it's definitey OK to be me in my writing because that is what people really want.  They dont want the same old buttoned up corporate speak that everyone pretends is interesting and pallatable.  They want a fresh voice, someone down to earth, who isn't afraid to call it out as it is, and isn't afraid to express who she is.

And what exactly will you be reading about? Well most of it will be centered around women and leadership, particularly around helping women find their true voice, going for what they really want, using their feminine prowress to their advantage, and about how men can support women in their journeys to become better leaders (because there's a lot in it for them too!). Since a lot of my work is centered around the corporate world and I work with a lot of managers (both men and women), I'll make it relevant to business most of the time, but there will be posts that are focused on other topics as well. 

So that's what I'm committing myself to this year - a new me who accepts herself and all her myriad interests. And I'm committing to do the same with my blog. You can expect to hear a lot more from me this year. Expect to be pleasantly surprised, shocked or even stirred up in some way.  If it isn't for you, the unsubscribe button is below. And if you're moved, then I would love to hear your comments and thoughts so feel free to leave them. Either way, I invite you to take a look at your own inner perfectionist, and dare to express all parts of yourself this year, even the parts you think no one will accept.  Go ahead, try it! :)